Young & Lesbian-Transcript

Scene 1

Gabi: Elliot, stop giving me you're totally gonna mess this up stare.

Elliot: They you stop making I'm totally gonna mess this up face. Do you know how inportant this is? Logan Rawlings is coming to dinner. We're talking about the editor of San Francisco Monthly.

Gabi: (at the same time as Elliot) Editor of San Francisco Monthly. She decides who gets thirty under thirty list.

Yolanda: We know Elliot. You talk about that list more than you talk about your dream date with Anderson Cooper.

Elliot: And if Josh doesn't get on the list he'll be devastated. He's twenty-nine this is his last shoot. Imagine the pressure he's under.

Yolanda: Elliot, why don’t you be a little less crouching tiger and a little more hidden dragon?

Josh: What's going on?

Gabi: Hey Josh everything is under control.

Josh: Ok, good because you know how important this is? Logan Rawlings.

Gabi: Hahah. We know, we know.

Josh: Do you also know how devastated Elliot will be if I don't get on this list? I'm twenty nine. He's my publicist, this is his last shot. Do you imagine the pressure he's under?

Gabi: Yeah, I live pay check to pay check I know a thing or two about pressure.

Yolanda: Would you let her finsh cooking.

Josh: She's here.

Logan: Hi! I'm Logan and I'm not in the mood to explain my tatoos.

Yolanda: I'm Yolanda and I'm not in the mood to show you mine.

Elliot: Elliot Park. An honor to meet the San Francisco legendary taste maker.

Logan: Ha. I hate kiss asses. Almost as much as I love them. Two times. (gives the airkiss) Wow. look at hid place. Painting love, view love, pillow hate.

Elliot: (throws the pillow out the window) That's why they call them a throw pillow.

Gabi: Can I introduce you this cinemon toastini with actually cinemon.

Logan: doubtful. Mmm, I wat the recipe, a photo, and another.

Elliot: And here's the man of the hour.

Josh: Good evening Logan. Welcome to Casa Kaminski. Cheers.

Logan: Wow impressive.

Josh: Yep, that couldn't go in they way, glad it got the way.

Logan: You know I have to say that you're the most handsome tie guy that I had to interview for the list.

Josh: Ohh, well I have to say can you repeat that into my phone so I can use it as the ring tone.

Elliot: Hahahahahahahahahha!!!!!

Josh: May I ask you on the terase.

Logan: Oh what's this?

Gabi: Oh you know how in Casco they have all those free samples.

Logan: I don't

Gabi: Well they do. And I call them storedthervs. If you take enaught of them they make a full meal.

Yolanda: And yet when I take them they call security.

Gabi: Well, I thought that on honor of your thirty under thirty list I made thirty perfect samples of San Francisco cusine. Hahah, get it?

Logan: Hahah, yeah I went to Harvard.

Gabi: I have a sweatshirt from there.

Elliot: You're parents must be so proud.

Logan: So tell me how does a tall handsome man internet mobile great hair gonna start?

Josh: Oh, the way we all do. Get pushed into the locker by a  football player.

Elliot: Hahahahhahah hahahah!!


Scene 2

Logan: Oh, dinner was super. That last spoon of salted caramel cream brulee was rich it should have a trophy wife.

Josh: Well sorry you've had to schedel and that I've said schedel.

Elliot: Why don't I walk you out?

Josh, Logan: Nice to meet you.

Elliot: So what do you think of my boy?

Logan: Look I don't post my list till friday, but I wouldn't worry about it if I were you.

Elliot: You wouldn't?

Logan: No, he's not on it.

Elliot: But. what', but you.. Why??

Logan: There's a lot of great candidates. This is San Francisco, you're not the only suck up publicist I'm dealing with.

Elliot: No, no, no. There's gotta be something I can do. Anything?

Logan: Nothing. I mean at least if you get me a date.

Elliot: Believe me no one knows the pain of not having Josh than I do. But unfortenaly he's engaged.

Logan: Not Josh.

Elliot: Oh, I'm flatered Logan but I'm not really into...

Logan: Not you. That cute little blonde.

Elliot: Oh Gabi? With the pots and pans.

Logan: And the sute diples and cute legs. Any chance she's single and gay?

Elliot: Oh, she's defenetly single. And now that I think about it she doesn't have a girlfriend.

Logan: You don't say?

Elliot: Oh I say. I say because it's true. You put Josh on your 30 under 30 list. And I'll put Gabi on your girl under girl list.

Logan: Deal.


Scene 3

Josh: Crushed it.List made. What's the good news my man.

Elliot: Logan found someone in this room very inpresive.

Josh: Yess! 30 under 30 list. Let me call Caroline to tell her the good news.

Elliot: Yea, you do that. Go you juhu. We have a situation.

Gabi: We do?

Elliot: Josh is not the shoe he thinks he is, the competition is very stif.

Gabi: Oh, why do the competitions always have to be stiff. Why does not need to be lift and..

Elliot: Zip it. Here's the deal, i made an arangment for you to take Logan to a drink and talk Josh up.

Gabi: Me why me?

Elliot: For reasons I can not explain. Logan has tken a linking in you. Maybe it's your cooking, your style or the fact that you're a woman and she want's a womann's point of view.

Gabi: How cool is that.  Ok I'm in for free drinks. I would even talk you up. 

Elliot: Just Don't forget to flater her. 

Gabi: Oh, you've got it for Josh I would got her pants off.

Elliot: That is what I'm hoping.


Scene 4

Logan: God you smell good what is it? 

Gabi: Oh it's the September isue of Vogue I just put it on the floor and rolle around it.

Logan: Haha, a natural blonde and a since of humor. You're a dream. I'm so glad you wanted to go out.

Gabi: Are you kiddin I'm so flatered. You're the most succesful woman I have ever been out with. 

Logan: Look I hope you're not intiminated by me. I just want you to be able to tell me everything.

Gabi: Let me just start of by saying, Josh is amazing. I mean for somebody who's famous for creating wolrd winning apps and softers he's tottaly...

Logan: Enaught about Josh.

Gabi: Ok can I just tell you one..

Logan: Shh. 

Gabi: More 

Logan: Shh. 

Gabi: Thing?

Logan: (puts her finger on Gabi's mouth)

Gabi: My mom use to do this when we talked to much.

Logan:I just wanted to change the subject. (puts her hand on Gab's leg)

Gabi: Mom never did that.  Haha, what excatly did Elliot tell you about me? 

Logan: Just that you're single and that I have a chance.

Gabi: Hahah. I can really use a drink. How about a schouns to the rocks?

Logan: Ohh. You're just like me. I love a good heart licker.

Elliot: Gabi my favourtie chef how's going? 

Gabi: Elliot you've set me up on a date? With a woman. I'm not gay.

Elliot: I said that for myself for years.

Gabi: What were you thinking?

Elliot:  Josh was not going to get on the list unless you would go on a date with Logan. She made that very clear.

Gabi: Why didn't you just tell me that from the start?

Elliot: If I would ask you to go on a lesbian date would you go?

Gabi: Noo.

Elliot: You gave me no choice didn't you?Look your Josh's last chance. So be funny, kiss her ass orany other body part you fell comfotable with.

Gabi: Elliot, I ate you so much right now, the next time i see you I'm gonna... (to Logan) Hey!

Logan: Haha, god you're cute.

Gabi: Haha, no I'm not. You've should see my withouth make up arf arf.

Logan: I bet you're fetching. Get it?

Gabi: Remember that time when you've said we can take things slow. Oh you don't I do.

Logan: Done, listen let's just take sex of the table.

Gabi: Yes let's take from all the services.

Logan: I think on a first date you usually only need to.. (lands for a kiss)

Gabi: Talk.

Logan: Kiss.I men how else do you get to know each other if you don't

Gabi: Talk. I think talking is really the way to go here. We're talking, I just want to know more about you. What makes you smile, what makes you cry do you recicle? Have you been to Washinton D.C. (falls of the couch) Logan I can't do this. I'm really sorry.

Logan: I thought we were having fun. I mean don't you find me attractive.

Gabi: Yeah, totally you're beautiful.And if I were in the girls right now, we would be planing our fly fishing honey moon to Montana.

Logan: Wait you're straight?

Gabi: Oh, so straight.

Logan: And why did Elliot tell me that you were... oh god, to get Josh on the list.

Gabi: Yeh, listen I didn't even know that this was a date till your hand was on my tie. Doul I probably should that relase sooner considering there's only women here.

Logan: This is one of the most humiliating moments of my life.

Gabi: Oh man Logan I feel terrible.

Logan: No it's not your fault. It's my teraphist. My girlfriend just broke up with me and he told me to get back out there. As you can see it's going really well.

Gabi: Oh, no no, don't don't cry it's gonna be Ok.

Logan: We were together for two years and then she dumbed me out of nowhere and she won't answer any of my calls, or my text she wouldn't even pick up her stuff.

Gabi: How much stuff are we talking?

Logan: A lot not to mention her cat

Gabi: She left her cat? You wanna know why? 

Logan: Becuase it had one eye and wears diamper.

Gabi: No because she wants a reason to come back.

Logan: She does?

Gabi: Yeah, she left the door opened, a little kitty door. And I'm gonna push her throught it. 

Logan: How are you going to do that?


Scene 5

Sofia: You're going on a date with a lesbian?

Gabi: Well tehnicaly, I have already been on a date with a lesbian, this would be the second.We just had drinks and now we're moving on to the dinner.

Sofia: Oh, you must really like her?

Gabi: Haha, this time we're just doing it to make Logan's ex girlfriend jealous, so she can get her back in an exchange for Josh to get on 30 under 30 list.

Sofia: Ow, I went to work this day made a coffee,  a couple of phone calls, have my boss's shoes re sold, you went to work and had two lesbian dates with Logan Rawlings, the editor of San Francisco Monthly. How crazy and glamorous is your life?

Gabi: I know. Oh an make sure you don't eat anything, because I know we're gonna goe some place very fancy and I'm bring you back a nice entriee.

Sofia: Oh and an overprized dessert?

Gabi: Ddd, now ok do I look hot? If you  would be someone's ex girlfriend and you would saw her with me, wearing this would you want her back?

Sofia: Mmm, depends, why did we broke up, have we worked throught our ishues, has she changed, because I don't want to end up with her in a same place as from year ago. 

Gabi: Tell me I look hot!

Sofia: You look hot. I won't wait up..


Scene 6

Gabi: Oh i can't believe that your ex. works at the Judy Green's restaurant. She's like the coolest chef in San Francisco I've been dying to come here.

Logan: My ex. is Judy Green.

Gabi: What? You've got dumbed by Judy Green that's so cool.

Logan: (to the waitter) My usual table.

Gabi: Oh, you're paying right, because I can't never afoard to eat here.

Logan: I know I saw your place when I picked you up.

Gabi: Oh this is great we can see the kitchen window from here.

Logan: And there's Judy. Stuffin those sausages without a hit of irony. Isn't she pretty?

Gabi: Yes but you're prettier. Ok now all we have to do is get her attention. Whatever I say laught like I'm hilarious and adorable. I'm ordering two appetizers and an entriee for my friend.

Logan: Hahahahha. She's not looking. 

Gabi: Ok I can see you're a little unpatient  I can se why Judy might have left. 

Logan: Hey!

Gabi: I'm sorry. Ok kick it up noiche. Take a selfie of us, wow I like your phone case.

Logan: Oh Gwen Stefany gave it to me.

Gabi: Ok now tweet it and write hastag bestdateever with three dancing hearts amogies. I high school they just to call me amogie One Kenobi.

Logan: Oh she's not looking I don't think she has a phone in the kitchen. What are we going to do now?

Gabi: Ok don't worry I have one more trick in my slief. Judyyy! (hughs Logan)See works every time.


Scene 7

Josh: Bam I just pre-ordered five hundred copies of San Francisco Monthly.

Elliot: You know that say Don't buy bunch of magazines before you make the list.

Josh: Haha. (gets a phone alert) It's a tweet from Logan. Maybe she gave a little sneak peek on the list. ...... What a hell is this?

Yolanda: It's hot tea you just ask me to get.

Josh: not that. This.

Elliot: Oww, that, that that's called the selife. All the kids are doing it.

Josh: Yeah but why are Logan and Gabi doing it togetehr?

Elliot: Do we really know what anyone does anything?

Josh: It says #bestdateever

Yolanda: Oh hastag I did not see that coming.

Josh: Elliot what's going on?

Elliot: That's excatly what I would like to know. As soon as Gabi gets her tommorw that's my first question for that girl. 

Josh: I'm calling her.

Elliot: No I didn't want to tell you this but, you didn't get on the list.

Josh: What?

Elliot: Which is why Gabi decided to go no a date with Logan, she did everything she could to make it happen. I I couldn't stop her. 

Yolanda: Oh please let me get some bready for tha bolony. 

Josh: You've imped off my chef?

Elliot: Yess and  did it for you.

Josh: For me? YOu've mean for you? Because you're the one that was obsessed to get me on the list and I told you I did not care about it. 

Elliot: Oh please you've just bought 500 hundred coppies of a magazine you're not even in. 

Yolanda: Addmit is you've both wanted to get on that list. 

Elliot, Josh: For him.

Yolanda: What about her? 

Elliot, Josh: Who?

Yolanda: Gabi.  ........ HAhah at least when Josh fires you can add pimp to your resume.


Scene 8

Logan: Oh why isn't she cooming over here?

Gabi: Oh she will, now you feed me a by and I'll feed you. Oh god that is so good.You know what is really gonna bug her, you just keep feeding me. 

Logan: She's coming over here. What do we do?

Gabi: Ok don't worry seat back let my plan fly out, she's gonna come over get super mad say some things back and kick me out so I'm just gonna keep eating till I have the chance. 

Judy: Logan what are you doing? Is this some patetic attept for making me jealous?

Logan: That's depends is it working?

Josh: Logan. Gabi?

Gabi: Josh, what are you doing here?

Josh: Saving you, look you don0t have to pretend to be a lesbian to get me on the list. 

Logan: Ooo

Judy: You're straight?

Gabi: No, yeash someone's gator is on the freash. I think you're the one who's straight. I love women, boobs and chopin firewood.

Judy: Then what's he talking about?

Gabi: I don't know he's just some jealous ex boyfriend, he's the person who I slep with and made me relase I'm so over man and way into the lady bussines.

Logan: Ooo.

Josh: I don't know what's happening.

Judy: I do. This is a ruise you're not gay.

Gabi: Oh yeah. (kisses Logan)

Judy: Oh my god you are on a date? How could you do this to me? You never had time for me and now you bring another woman into my restaurant? 

Logan: Oh pleas you're the one who left me so you can focus on your career.

Judy: How would you know. You were always a sleep when I got home from work. Who goes to sleep that early?

Logan: Someone whoy drinks the whold bottle of sourau to wait for her girlfriend to get home.

Judy: I never want to see you again. YOu're dead to me.

Logan: Greta plan Gabi. Worked like a charm. 

Gabi: Well making her really mad plan worked.


Josh: No let me get this. It's the least I can do.

Logan: Thanks this is the worst night of my life.  (starts to choke)

Gabi: Oh my god Logan are you ok?

Josh: I think she's choking.

Gabi: Help, help we need one of those padly themms dudets. 

Josh: It's called heart attack.

Judy: Logan. Are you ok, you're intier life just flashed before my eyes. 

Logan: Judy you've just saved my life.

Judy: Oh god when I said you're dead to me I dind't really wanted you to be dead dead.

Logan: That's so romantic.

Judy: Next time you're be drinking from a bottle it will be a bottle I'll bring home form the restauratnt. 

Logan: Just be sure to get home before 9pm I'd like to go to bed early.  (they kiss) oh on the way ome tonight we need to buy more cat diapers.

Judy: Oh waited to long to hear those words.

Gabi: Oh how lucky we are that she chocked. 

Josh: Pretty lucky.

Logan: That was genious.

Gabi: What was genious?

Logan: his plan

Gabi: Wha plan? No Josh. I was so worried you've got me scared throught dead.

Logan: Yeah I know. You we're great you really solved that.

Logan: Thanks.

Judy: Hey Gabi I autographed my book for you. 

Gabi: Oh thank you. Eating out with Judy Green. Oh that's clever. Stay away from my girlfriend of I'll cut you.She is lovley.

Logan: Hey Gabi thanks for everything. 

Gabi: Oh sure. You before we go, not that I care at all, but only at curiosity. How, how how was the kiss?

Logan: Garlicy. But great.

Gabi: Good.

Logan: And Josh I own you one. 

Josh: We're even seriously I don't need to get on the list.

Logan: Got to know. Later guys.

Gabi: Bye. ... what is wrong with you?I don't need to be on that list. You know how hard I worked for you to get on that list. I went on a date with that woman. and gave her the best kiss of he life you've heard her she rabed about it. 

Josh: And I apriciate that. Men did I apriciate that.But I relaset I don't need to be on that list to find out who I am. Heck I have a porche for that. But I can't believe what you've did for me.So I want to do something nice for oyu. What ever you want name it.

Gabi: Can I drive you're porche?

Josh: HAhah, let's be real.


Scene 9

Elliot: Wopss. Can you please be a dear and pass me that San Francisco Monthly?  Oww, I'm such a butter finger. Why don't you have a peak a page 47. 

Josh: Elliot I'm done with the list I don't want to see it. 

Elliot: Just have a little peek, a peek a bo, a peek a rooney. a peek at is

Josh: I don't gove a juitsu. I'm over it.

Yolanda: Would you look at the damn magazine.

Elliot: You're number five. Yaa. Josh: No we're number five. Elliot, Josh: We did it.

Gabi: Hey what's going on in here? 

Elliot, Josh: We made the list.

Gabi: We did it.

Josh, Elliot: 30 under 30, 30 under 30.

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